“There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.” — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it… — Simon Rich Being Copy Share Image
I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over 'The Onion' or 'Calvin and Hobbes.' That was considered completely… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
Most of my work is, I get an idea, and, with the help of Wikipedia, I can write. I don't have to… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I never really liked "cool" books. I plowed through as much Borges and Joyce as possible, read the first half of V.… — Simon Rich Bar mitzvah Copy Share Image
“I know the odds are against us. I know she’s a siren. I know she’s eaten people. I know she’s five thousand… — Simon Rich Siren Copy Share Image
“It’s not just about Jen,” he said. “It’s about the entire romantic system. Ninety-nine percent of men are in love with the… — Simon Rich Injustice Copy Share Image
I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That’s why I loved [the Robert… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“Before OkCupid profiles became mandated by the Galactic Government, the only way to find a mate was to self-induce brain-damage and beg… — Simon Rich Dark times Copy Share Image
“Otto could be extremely convincing. During our sophomore year, he’d persuaded me to boycott McDonald’s, even though they’d recently brought back the… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I wanted to be an artist after all, and my teachers told me these were the best authors the 20th century had… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
It's easier to be a grownup than to be a kid. When you're a kid, you lie constantly and people are always… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I admired the earnestness of these people, many of whom had joined Greenpeace and marched for noble things in their youth. But… — Simon Rich Bells Copy Share Image
I’m too young and ridiculous a person to speak for my generation, but I’d be happy to talk about my own experiences… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I read a ton of nonfiction. I tend to read about a lot of very extreme situations, life-or-death situations. I'm very interested… — Simon Rich Book Copy Share Image
I’ve always liked to read about extremely wealthy people, especially when they are crazy (like Howard Hughes or Caligula.) While writing this… — Simon Rich Book Copy Share Image
By the time I got to college I had stopped reading books because I wanted to "be cool" and started reading books… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“God: Check out this human I designed. Angel: Wow, that looks pretty incredible. How does it work? God: It's pretty complicated. Point… — Simon Rich God Copy Share Image
“I still remember the day I got my first calculator Teacher: All right, children, welcome to fourth grade math. Everyone take a… — Simon Rich Children Copy Share Image
People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five… — Simon Rich Adulthood Copy Share Image
![“I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That’s why I loved [the Robert Cormier YA novel] The Chocolate War - because the cool kids (not the establishment) were the villains. I totally identified with that.” quote by Simon Rich](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/503/simon-rich-25140_chocolate_i-was-never-a-cool-person-in-fact-cool-p_620335.jpg)
