Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them. — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
The 'Awkward Moment' when ur when you start yelling at someome and they put there hand over your mouth. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you want others to follow, learn to be alone with your thoughts — William Deresiewicz Copy Share Image
Every woman deserves a man who respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his efforts. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dear alarm clock, It might be you they hit on, but it's me they're sleeping with. Sincerely, bed. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Snoring is your body's way of telling everyone not to disturb me asshole can't you see we are sleeping. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I love the stage. I'm always sniffing around to see if there's something I can squidge in quickly. — Matthew Rhys Copy Share Image
Cable is a great medium. It's something I respond to. I'm not doing sitcoms. People don't find me funny. That's just the… — Diego Klattenhoff Copy Share Image
“Are you okay with what we ordered?” Angeline asked him. “You didn’t pipe up with any requests.” Neil shook his head, face… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
Happy Leap Day. According to 30 Rock, which is an authority on these matters: anything that happens today, didn't. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“Mira, I'm about to be naked," Blue said as he whipped off his belt and tossed it on the floor. "So watch… — Sarah Cross Copy Share Image
We didn't have cable growing up. We had these three upper channels that played all reruns, so I would see episodes from… — Edi Patterson Copy Share Image
I get mad at people who talk about traumatic job interviews, about going on one and getting rejected. I get rejected all… — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Happy Canada Day to my new countryman if they ever reinstate the military draft here. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk. — Orlando Aloysius Battista Copy Share Image
Remember a diamond is just a piece of coal that did good under pressure. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Isn’t it funny? You forgive people before they ask forgiveness. Later they expect your apologize.” — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
Why choose to be right instead of happy when there is no way to be right? — Hugh Prather Copy Share Image
Everyone who tells a story tells it differently, just to remind us that everybody sees it differently. — Jeanette Winterson Copy Share Image
A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse. — Frederick The Great Copy Share Image
The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock. — Billy Corgan Copy Share Image
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I will NEVER work a night shift at a restaurant because of the hash slinging slasher. :| — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born.” — Dakota Dawn Copy Share Image
The fear of not having enough prevents many from seeing that they already are enough. — Wayne Dyer Copy Share Image
I used to love my neighbors, then one day they put a fucking password on their WIFI — Avalon Copy Share Image
