Every Christmas I only buy gifts for friends when I find out they already got me one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only time a woman will fight for a man now a days is on a reality show. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
“But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
This really smart kid at my school got a 291 on a computer math test, and he's upset. while I'm over here… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Age is the most terrible misfortune that can happen to any man; other evils will mend, this is every day getting worse. — George James Copy Share Image
“Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he… — Cecelia Ahern Copy Share Image
My friend thinks he's so smart, he said onions are the only food that make you cry. so I through a coconut… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Installing love. ¦¦44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first. — Babloo Copy Share Image
I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face. — Harry Hill Copy Share Image
I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I don't create poetry, I create myself, for me my poems are a way to me. — Edith Södergran Copy Share Image
Leadership is much less about what you do, and much more about who you are. — Frances Hesselbein Copy Share Image
Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you? — Francis Chan Copy Share Image
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. — Tom Sizemore Copy Share Image
If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch with your children... — Johnnie Casson Copy Share Image
Men who dont understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Errol Flynn and I are the only ones left who do any good old hell raising. — Humphrey Bogart Copy Share Image
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? — Julia Sweeney Copy Share Image
Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have written much about many good places. But the best places of all, I have never mentioned. — Edward Abbey Copy Share Image
If we come to a minefield, our infantry attacks exactly as it were not there. — Georgy Zhukov Copy Share Image
