In general, I gravitate toward anything where I can be funny, but as a consumer myself, I enjoy dramedies. — Ego Nwodim Copy Share Image
When you are getting beat to death, get your head out of the mixer. — Richard Dennis Copy Share Image
Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold." — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
A man wears the pants in a relationship but the woman tells the man which pair to put on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Confession. 3.) My Favorite Band Is One Direction But My Favorite SingerIs Ed Sheeran¥ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Let's say goodbye to the hottest summer on record and to the people who kept reminding us it was the hottest summer… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“They sent the shrink round yesterday. He's put me on Prozac. Prozac! He thinks I'm depressed.' 'Aren't you depressed?' 'I wasn't depressed.'… — Gavin Extence Copy Share Image
It's funny: I look at songs, and I guess they each tell a story, and the different songs talk about different things.… — Dianne Reeves Copy Share Image
I loved cartoons as a kid, and so many funny moments in animation for me are nonverbal sounds, unarticulated mouth noise. — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
I think Jimmy Carr is very funny and probably the most industrious comedian I know and I really respect him for that. — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
You know, I love airplane food. I'm not being funny; I'm not being ironic. It reminds me of being 12 years old… — Josh Freese Copy Share Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You don't know what's on the inside until you put a demand on your potential. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
An Airedale can do anything any other dog can do and then whip the other dog if he has to. — Theodore Roosevelt Copy Share Image
People who say life is a bed of roses usually complain about sleeping in thorns. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its true, I cant make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
In science, read, by preference, the newest works; in literature the oldest. — Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton Copy Share Image
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into. — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
Forgiveness is God's greatest gift because it meets our greatest need. — David Platt Copy Share Image
After being impaled by a javelin, while officiating- I'm doing fine now, just resting and hanging around. — Jeremy Campbell Copy Share Image
The only thing that weakens worry is work, so I will be working for Marie Corfield — Cory Booker Copy Share Image
Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure. — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
“Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?” — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
You can listen to what people say, sure. But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do. — Seth Godin Copy Share Image
