How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The resistance is not something to be avoided, it's something to seek out. — Seth Godin Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
These are just things that we don't know, and that's where trust and faith come in. — Benjamin Carson Copy Share Image
Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing… — Brad Stine Copy Share Image
It's funny because looking back at my first contest, I was 15 and surfing the Haleiwa contest wearing this tiny bikini. I… — Alana Blanchard Copy Share Image
The magic in performing as an entertaining ventriloquist happens when the characters come to life and the interaction between the separate personalities… — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of… — Victoria Wood Copy Share Image
“Love is a damage made to the heart, violence, fate thats written, Changeable by distance, Breakable by time...!” — Honey Father Copy Share Image
A comedic look at the TV License, you stop paying it and you get clobbered, you pay the fine but continue to… — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
It shouldn't be an issue that we have a black president. Gay marriage shouldn't be an issue. And women being funny shouldn't… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
The Giver of life gave it for happiness and not for wretchedness. — Thomas Jefferson Copy Share Image
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is a complete idiot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Unless we take action on climate change, future generations will be roasted, toasted, fried and grilled. — Christine Lagarde Copy Share Image
If beating ourselves up worked, we would all be thin, rich, and happy, wouldn't we? — Cheryl Richardson Copy Share Image
My name is Steven Crowder, and I happen to find blatant gayness funny. I mean really funny. — Steven Crowder Copy Share Image
INTELLIGENCE is like underwear...It is important that you have it but not necessary that you show it off. — Nate Copy Share Image
Although I tried to be universal in thought, I am European by instinct and inclination. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
You have to do more than you get paid for because that’s where the fortune is. — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
My parents say it's their house but when it's time to clean it magically becomes my house too - — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Opening a test paper and seeing the first question and thinking ...Yup, I'm screwed — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We should rather examine, who is better learned, than who is more learned. — Michel de Montaigne Copy Share Image
My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk's proximity to the elevator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
