I have rules for life, but not for love. If I think too hard about a relationship, I'll talk myself out of… — Taylor Swift Copy Share Image
Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name. — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Stupidity is like art. Everyone can do it, but only the truly gifted are masters at it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, At my age, I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love working with actors, and it's great that I'm an actor myself. I know how I like to be directed and… — Courteney Cox Copy Share Image
Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to… — Voltaire Copy Share Image
“Breakfast, Noah muttered. Greasy and disgusting, said Matt. You don't want to eat it? I wasn't talking about breakfast. I was talking… — Anthony Horowitz Copy Share Image
