That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like…Ummmmmmm no bitch. — Alfonso Martinez Copy Share Image
I work like a retailer. I sell my services, take my money and keep it in the bank. — Shahrukh Khan Copy Share Image
It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be awesome. Awesome Ain't Easy. — Steve Gleason Copy Share Image
One who can see without seeming to see-- That's an observer as good as three. — William Allingham Copy Share Image
It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My girlfriend is always reading too much into things. Like my love letter to her sister for example. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Part of my job as a presidential speechwriter (along with great writers like Jon Favreau and David Axelrod) was finding that sliver… — Jon Lovett Copy Share Image
“I'd like to sit down with him and pick his brain, just a tiny bite somewhere in the frontal lobe to get… — Isaac Marion Copy Share Image
Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife, Throughout the sensual world proclaim, One crowded hour of glorious life, Is worth an age… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Was trying to count sheep to help me sleep but I don't think I'll be able to sleep anymore after being chased… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's funny, when you become an actor and you're successful, they don't want to talk about acting any more. 'Hey let's talk… — Nicholas Brendon Copy Share Image
To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be… — Clint Eastwood Copy Share Image
What I love about comedy is that we're this group of weirdos, and the only language that matters is, 'Are you funny?'… — Hasan Minhaj Copy Share Image
