Funny Quotes · Page 376

When you catch an adjective, kill it.

— Mark Twain

When we think we know we cease to learn.

— Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

— Denis Leary

Vegetarian: An indian word for lousy hunter.

— Anonymous

The faith that acts not, is it truly faith?

— Jean Racine

I'm not a funny person, so why are you still here?

— Obsidian Panther

We can only love what we know.

— Anna Letitia Barbauld

To try to be better is to be better.

— Charlotte Saunders Cushman

F you love someone, tell them. because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken..

— Anonymous

Hey babe fancy a half price pizza on the couch at mine then go to rummage though my bin????

— Ritu Ghatourey

A man who does not think and plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door.

— Confucius

Kyle Baker's work is really funny, but it's also got a very clear vision

— Bill Sienkiewicz

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

— Jerry Seinfeld

We continue to speak, if only in whispers, to something inside us that longs to be named.

— Dorianne Laux

You have to assemble your life yourself - action by action.

— Marcus Aurelius

When people censor themselves they're just as likely to get rid of the good bits as the bad bits.

— Brian Eno

“SWAT? For me?" Still trembling, one hand clung to the ambulance gurney, the other held a massive sterilised cotton wool wad under…

— Morana Blue

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

— Groucho Marx

“No, we’re not getting married,” I told my mother on the phone when she asked. “He’s going to California and I’m staying…

— Lorrie Moore

By the ruler's cultivation of his own character there is set up the example of the course which all should pursue.

— Confucius

Dear Facebook, Please stop asking me what's on my mind. I'm gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts…

— Ritu Ghatourey

My parents were from New England. It's very funny, but when I grew up, you always had to say, 'Yes, ma'am' and…

— Cy Twombly

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'.…

— Steven Wright

In cross examination, as in fishing, nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch.

— Louis Nizer

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

— P. G. Wodehouse

You can Hate,or love me,but always respect me.

— Jezreel Scott

Coffee enhances my social phobias.

— Anonymous

You are that what you cannot lose.

— Gerrit Komrij

I don't sell dope, I sell hope.

— Cee Lo Green

Wherever you are, I am there also.

— Ludwig van Beethoven

Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

— Rob Corddry

Without imperfection, you or I would not exist.

— Stephen Hawking

I didn't really say everything I said.

— Yogi Berra

Listen, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm Colombian.

— Sofia Vergara

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

— George Orwell

My movies are not about being, but becoming.

— Sofia Coppola

There is wisdom in the selection of wisdom…

— Bergen Evans

There are some things that can't be measured.

— Julia Gillard

We are all wired into a survival trip, now.

— Hunter S. Thompson

Survival isn't fun. If it is - you camping.

— Anonymous