Funny Quotes · Page 351

Can't keep it in, Gotta let it out.

— Cat Stevens

There are no shortcuts to success.

— Annika Sorenstam

I am just at tragedy right now.

— Tig Notaro

Gold is money and nothing else.

— J. P. Morgan

Wisdom can’t prevent the storm.

— Rich Wilkerson Jr

If you're the stripper I wanna be the pole!

— Anonymous

If you have haters, you must be doing something right

— Anthony Vargas

I never ever took my career seriously.

— Marlene Dietrich

I did a character called Captain Q for Nestle's Quik. Those commercials were kind of funny.

— Adam West

I suppose if we couldnt laugh at things that dont make sense, we couldnt react to a lot of life.

— Calvin & Hobbes

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

— Jeff Foxworthy

Those funny memories that you randomly remember, and you can't stop smiling.

— Anonymous

When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask: Are you sleeping? No. I'm training to die

— Itsme867

Those who love the Gospel will love to be stirred by its truth all over again.

— Alistair Begg

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

— Ryan Stiles

I don't have kids, but I do understand family, and I understand how precious family is.

— Lindsey Graham

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the…

— Chris Rock

I grew up a skinny kid with a funny last name and coke bottle glasses, so I experienced my fair share of…

— John Hickenlooper

“Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police…

— David Wong

Thank you for the present you brought I am sure that I'll use it a lot. Cause I always need clothes cause…

— Anonymous

Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, then turn it to the left. Repeat this every time you…

— Ritu Ghatourey

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying…

— Amy Schumer

“Dylan, while he is in the shower and he and Joss are only seperated by the curtain and his invisibility: Dylan: "Maybe…

— Susan Bischoff

I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around.

— Bill Bailey

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

— Steven Wright

I'm cooler than you. WAAAY cooler.

— Bill Gates

In each pose there should be repose.

— B.K.S. Iyengar

Honor bespeaks worth Confidence begets trust.

— James Cash Penney

If we have to go to war, we will.

— Andrew Card

You must be Google. You have everything I'm looking for

— Alex Low

I will be an artist or nothing!

— Eugene O'Neill

You can't be pro-business unless you're pro-education..

— Julian Castro

Dive into the sea, or stay away

— Nizar Qabbani

And everything you get, ya gotta work hard for it.

— The Notorious B.I.G

I just recieved a restraining order from my toilet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Are not beauty and delicacy the same?

— E. M. Forster

It is as hard to take success as it is failure.

— Louise Berliawsky Nevelson

What do you call a blind German? A not see!

— Anonymous

Is it Obama's nation or an abomination?

— Lowkey

I never get afraid of things, I only get excited.

— Tom Hiddleston