“That’s my son you’re torturing, miss,’ said Xena. ‘And that’s my employee you’ve got there,’ said Kenneby.” — Surabhi Singh Copy Share Image
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say 'My Bad!' — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
Sisterhood is a funny thing. It's easy to recognize, but hard to define. — Pearl Cleage Copy Share Image
Though I can make my extravaganzas appear credible, I cannot make the truth appear so. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
You can't fake comedy. You can't make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny… — Aisling Bea Copy Share Image
Two whales walked into a bar. One said, Weeeeeeeee-ooooooooo-uuuuuuuuuu-hhhh. The other whale said, Shut up, Steve. You're drunk! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“If you tell anyone what I just told you, I’ll call the Mob. I know some of them, you know.” “Bullshit.” I… — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
I was scared by social media - just scared of what I might attract. Once I broke onto that thing, because I… — Juliette Lewis Copy Share Image
When you feel that nobody loves you, that nobody cares, when all you can do is cry and walk away because everyone… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
It is funny that people always assume you have a bigger part in a movie than you actually do. I remember a… — Bill Hader Copy Share Image
*A nerdy guys phone goes off* Jock: Who was that, your girlfriend? *Everyone laughs* Nerd: Nope. It was yours. *Dead silence* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
