Funny Quotes · Page 350

I go fishing not to find myself but to lose myself.

— Joseph Monninger

I never argue, I just explain why I'm right.

— Anonymous

I never date anyone my cat doesn’t like,

— Magnus

I HAVE A RUNNING NOSE AND SMELLY FEET

— BEAUGHON

The surest sign of fitness is success.

— Olive Schreiner

“Gohan...Is that sunburn or are you blushing?”

— Akira Toriyama

Never stop learning … becoz life never stop teaching.

— Green Monk

How the hell did I wake up & my hairs still done?

— Pauly D

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

— Anonymous

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

— German Proverb

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.

— Hussein Nishah

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

— W. C. Fields

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

— Jim Norton

Every once in a while I stop and think…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NOT TAKE??

— Ana

It's a one-to-one dialogue. You open your mouth and you're talking to 6 million people.

— Derek Jameson

Every time you reach for food, ask yourself, 'Will this cleanse or clog me?'

— Tony Robbins

They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being…

— Jerome K. Jerome

It is funny how it is almost more painful to fall over and scrape your knee than to be blown up. Your…

— Giles Duley

After more than half a century (Sleeping Beauty), Disney finally know what the meaning of true love (Maleficent).

— Alvin

At school: Man I am so tired. Like seriously, as soon as I get home I am going to sleep. *Gets home*…

— Anonymous

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money…

— Daniel Tosh

It's funny 'cause the Rhea Ripley that everyone sees, I've looked into that personality so many times before, just at home, in…

— Rhea Ripley

“You love it right?" Lassiter asked, holding his Bible high. "I mean, you told me to go on the internet. I did.…

— J.R. Ward

“In light of all this, we’re now equipped to think about the relationship between laughter and humor. In any given comedic situation,…

— Kevin Simler

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!

— Jerry Coleman

If you believe everything you read, better not read.

— Japanese Proverb

If there's ever a price on your head, take it.

— Anonymous

The next movement is still in the factory.

— Eugene Ormandy

I think our system is being polluted by money,

— Ruth Bader Ginsburg

We do not see what is “real,” we see what we are.

— Willy Ronis

I don't Twitter, I don't MyFace, I don't Yearbook,

— Bill Belichick

We're on the verge of all things new.

— Billy Joel

Read more learn more, change the globe

— Nas

I've been a hunter pretty much all my life.

— Mitt Romney

Between God and the soul there is no between.

— Julian of Norwich

Did you play? It sounded very good.

— Eugene Ormandy

Perfume: any smell that is used to drown a worse one.

— Elbert Hubbard

I'm not part of any organization that has initials.

— Noah

Be content with nothing less than perfection.

— Walter J. Phillips

If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.

— Frank Zappa