Richer than I you can never be, I had a mother who read to me. — Strickland Gillilan Copy Share Image
Your manhood is not a license. Her curves are not an excuse. Challenge the stereotype. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I didn't say you were a slut...I just implied that you don't sleep in your own bed too often. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people just want to make up the funny things and play pretend. — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
How could anyone like me for my true self? Being gay, disabled, loud and funny was too much in one 5ft person. — Rosie Jones Copy Share Image
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives me lemons... I eat them... — Guardian/Hommie G Copy Share Image
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Would you like to sit?" Kellen asked her. "You'd better do it soon," Owen whispered close to her ear, "or I'm going… — Olivia Cunning Copy Share Image
“He runs his eye along the row of knives in their racks, the cleavers for splitting bones. He picks one up, looks… — Hilary Mantel Copy Share Image
Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, more self confident, and a better dancer. I saw the video from last… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Here, by the grace of God and an inside straight, we have a personality untouched by the psychotic taboos of our tribe… — Robert Heinlein Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're taking off your jeans in the changing room, and your underwear decides to come off too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
