So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. — Alexandre Dumas Copy Share Image
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
We are here not only to transform the world but also to be transformed. — Parker J. Palmer Copy Share Image
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What do you call those things you find at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful Gangsters? — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
“We didn’t-?” I whisper, my mouth drying in mortified horror as I can’t complete the question. I stare at my hands. “Anastasia,… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
The trouble with improv is that it is often about being funny in the moment without any real consideration for the bigger… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
Funny enough, the person who is most bummed out to hear I won't be back is Mark Cuban. Despite what you might… — Chris Sacca Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the minister the same fee they will eventually have to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. — Edith Summerskill, Baroness Summerskill Copy Share Image
