If someone says I love you, and you don't feel the same way, just say I love YouTube really fast. — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hervey (Weinstein) thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today — Jennifer Lawrence Copy Share Image
What do you have when you have an agent buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. — Pat Williams Copy Share Image
I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy. — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
A spare tyre is something that you don't check until you have a punctured one. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
You're an actor who's Irish, not an Irish actor. And you shouldn't be limited by your extraction. — Cillian Murphy Copy Share Image
I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I was not a big fan of the Attitude Era. Some of the things they did were very good and very funny… — Ted DiBiase Sr Copy Share Image
“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Awesome." "Awesome squared." "Awesome cubed." "Awesome to the power of infinity." "The square root of awesome is-" "-Asha." We finish at the… — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When someone says everything happens for a reason, I'd like to smack them and say, 'Yeah, I guess you're right.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
