Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses... — Adlai Stevenson I Copy Share Image
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“If you learn to laugh at yourself, you'll be entertained for a lifetime.” — Lee McLaughlin Copy Share Image
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I nod like a trained puppy, hoping to god I'm not drooling. How am I supposed to go on stage when I… — Cassie Mae Copy Share Image
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and… — Katie McGrath Copy Share Image
I would love to interview Michael McKean and his wife, who wrote the songs for 'A Mighty Wind,' which is my favorite… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
So your taking a shower and you put on a towel to go to yOur room you walk out the door and… — Delanie Hook Copy Share Image
Men watching porn is like women watching the Food Network: they are both watching things they are never gonna do! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday,… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
The thing about comedians is, we're generally pretty smart. So, if we can be smart and funny, that is the victory. — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
