Julie Klausner

I’m really afraid of spiders and my own feelings.

— Julie Klausner

“...because my vagina is stupid.”

— Julie Klausner

The only riot I’m okay with is a zoot suit riot.

— Julie Klausner

I consider Greeks the Jews of the sea.

— Julie Klausner

Shirley MacLaine: what an asshole.

— Julie Klausner

I'm always suspicious when a guy takes his date on a walk, because it reeks of poverty and an inability to plan.

— Julie Klausner

What else don’t women like besides the Three Stooges? Tom Waits. Being hurt physically or emotionally.

— Julie Klausner

The only thing that's a challenge for me is not working. I get depressed when I'm not in motion.

— Julie Klausner

Fear can be the result of admiration, or it can be a symptom of contempt.

— Julie Klausner

If the Cowardly Lion were on RuPaul’s Drag Race, so much of my childhood would be less nightmarish.

— Julie Klausner

Cabaret is a great format. All you have to do is sing and be funny sporadically.

— Julie Klausner

In all seriousness, I don't get people who need to make a proposal a bigger deal than marriage already is.

— Julie Klausner

“Jealousy always trumps schadenfreude! It’s a rule from the heartbreak version of ‘rock, paper, scissors.”

— Julie Klausner

A relationship book I once read told women to use the word 'fun' whenever possible. The author claimed it had a subliminal…

— Julie Klausner

I don't make money doing my podcast. I've learned that people want to hire creative people who are already doing something when…

— Julie Klausner

I think of basset hounds whenever I turn on my computer because I have photos of them. And if I'm lucky, and…

— Julie Klausner

Oh, yeah, I did the online dating thing. I did Nerve, I did Match. On Nerve there was this one guy who,…

— Julie Klausner

“Piggy’s self-esteem didn’t seem to ruffle from rejection after rejection, but that bitch is like Beyoncé, who is made of steel, and…

— Julie Klausner

Any woman I know can smell a boyfriend a mile away. Women are intuitive, they know when a guy is interested but…

— Julie Klausner

Having one of your like dumb sort of stream of consciousness tweets used against you on a right wing website is the…

— Julie Klausner

I wish podcasting was my only job - I have more fun doing that than I have doing absolutely anything else. But…

— Julie Klausner

Only sad sacks and conformists need things like no kiss on New Year's Eve to remind them to feel lonely. They're as…

— Julie Klausner

Babies, babies, babies! They're everywhere, aren't they? In our eyes, in our thoughts, in our arms, in our dreams. Sometimes, in our…

— Julie Klausner

So, things aren't clicking with this sweet guy who keeps calling you. So what? Things like chemistry and fate and all the…

— Julie Klausner

I look forward to the day when being called 'another Monica Lewinsky' refers to the hard work behind a master's degree in…

— Julie Klausner

The kind of boy's club I'm used to? It is definitely not a jock-y, frat-y kind of thing. They say, 'I'm sensitive…

— Julie Klausner

I think Joan Rivers is such an untapped legend that people just don't appreciate, because they grew up with her on QVC,…

— Julie Klausner

I have never been one for musicians. I know girls are supposed to go crazy for frontmen who close their eyes when…

— Julie Klausner

All I know is it’s silly to chase fun when all you need is the ground underneath you to be solid. And…

— Julie Klausner

My advice to women who habitually gravitate toward musicians is that they learn how to play an instrument and start making music…

— Julie Klausner

“The trick to realize that the boys who talk so much about being rejected that it seems like the’re proud of it…

— Julie Klausner

“But more than anything, as a little girl, I wanted to be exactly like Miss Piggy. She was ma heroine. I was…

— Julie Klausner

“Pam (from The Office) is not intimidating, like one of those women who wears makeup and tailored clothes, and has a good…

— Julie Klausner

Do you think trees are the new birds? Don’t answer that right away.

— Julie Klausner

Podcasts themselves cannot exist without the Internet - in a way, they are a microcosm of the Internet.

— Julie Klausner

I have nothing snarky to say about Joan Rivers' appearance. We should all be that happy with how we look on camera,…

— Julie Klausner

It’s important to remember that Mark David Chapman really set a lot of trends: such as the trend of celebrities having bodyguards.

— Julie Klausner

“Your twenties are the worst part of your life that you don't actually know at the time is terrible.”

— Julie Klausner

I'm not big on regret - until time travel actually exists, it seems like a waste of making yourself feel bad

— Julie Klausner

I think feeling responsible for stuff that goes wrong is an inherent part of being female.

— Julie Klausner