Why do they rate a movie R for adult language? The only people I hear using that language are teenagers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.” — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
There is no insanity so devastating in man's life as utter sanity. — William Allen White Copy Share Image
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm just calling to make sure you still didn't want me to ever call you again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me. — Molly Ivins Copy Share Image
One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I could never cheat in a relationship... That would require TWO people finding me attractive. I can barely find one. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were on a bike going 70 miles an hour, I could see you approaching my… — Georgia Saratsioti Copy Share Image
We've turned off all the lights in the living room to make hand shadows. We've got this big flashlight aimed at the… — Sonya Sones Copy Share Image
Best answer for everything in life.. ROMANTIC!!.. you like something don't like something, you have nothing to say. how romantic! — Zabi Copy Share Image
“I swear to God, Boss,” he said one day. “Ya ain’t never been a talker, but lately, if ya’d a had to… — Eli Easton Copy Share Image
“Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol.” — Kirt J. Boyd Copy Share Image
