I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her.” — Stacey Wallace Benefiel Copy Share Image
“Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.” — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I dont believe the kids should be given homework. — Olabanji Joseph Copy Share Image
Comedians have to challenge the power. Comedians should be dangerous and devastating - and funny. That's the hardest part. — Mort Sahl Copy Share Image
I'd love to do a really juicy drama that's just really real. On the comedy side, I'd love to do something like… — Daniela Bobadilla Copy Share Image
Newtons law of romance: Love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be changed from one girlfriend to another. — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest… — Chris Pratt Copy Share Image
The actual state of our knowledge is always provisional and... there must be, beyond what is actually known, immense new regions to… — Louis de Broglie Copy Share Image
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview,… — Lance Armstrong Copy Share Image
It's funny: 'Next Thing' was written in a time of my life when I was actually really naive and thought that I… — Frankie Cosmos Copy Share Image
