When you keep God in first place, He will take you to places you've never dreamed of — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The difference between me and her is that I can make him smile with my pants on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was born with a priceless gift, the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others. — Barry Humphries Copy Share Image
I need a Girl That will love me for who I am. I need one that will treat me with respect. and… — Armin Ferizovic Copy Share Image
Sometimes what we deem a failure at the time it happens actually serves to foster a change within us that creates an… — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
When it comes to black female comedians, it's like, if you're not overweight, are you funny? There's rules, like, you can't be… — Yvonne Orji Copy Share Image
There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“On a date, if you look more often to your phone than to your girlfriend/wife, then you have a problem... but if… — Alin Sav Copy Share Image
I've got a funny way of looking at things. It's because I'm dyslexic, and I was diagnosed with ADD when I was… — Lee Ryan Copy Share Image
I thought it was really funny that half the people I autographed things for said, 'Autograph the back of my phone.' I… — Willow Shields Copy Share Image
But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with… — Charlie Sheen Copy Share Image
