When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Sentimentality and emotionalism have nothing whatsoever to do with love. — Jiddu Krishnamurti Copy Share Image
I agree with the dictionary..Girls before guys,partying before studying,and friends before love!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse. — Proverbs 27:14 Copy Share Image
I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Im gonna go take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Magellan went around the world in 1521, which is not too many strokes when you consider the distance. — Joe Laurie Jr Copy Share Image
People ask what those women saw in me. Let's face it, I wasn't a bad-looking stud. But that's not it. It's the… — Artie Shaw Copy Share Image
Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley… — Carolyn Jones Copy Share Image
When you get a text while you're walking and you start to walk slower and slower til youre just standing there texting. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“She's packed her topside fundamentals so tight into her low-cut dress that it's only a matter of time before she busts her… — Moira Young Copy Share Image
“If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm the ultimate studier of comedy. I grew up in a very funny household. My dad is the king of one-liners; my… — Susan Kelechi Watson Copy Share Image
