Humor Quote by Steven Gould Download Open image ““Did they scalp you?”” — Steven Gould ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.2 out of 5 (4 ratings) Copy quoteShare Humor
“That morning I'd been worried I might be scalped, and here I was among the warmest people I will probably ever meet, no matter… — Matthew Quick Copy Share Image
“You've flowers in you hair," she said. Tender amusement, instead of distaste, threaded her voice. "That's because they're growing out of my head.” — Grace Draven Copy Share Image
“Anything else you want to discuss before we begin?” “Who cuts your hair? You should run them through with their own thinning shears. You… — J.A. Rock Copy Share Image
“I’ll wear a fork on my head, and if anybody wants a job, they can eat salad off my scalp.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I looked back towards them, to see if they were watching me, and saw her pulling her arm from his grip. Her eyes were… — Ian Cross Copy Share Image
“What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospital room. “Holy shit!” Icka patted her… — Phoebe Kitanidis Copy Share Image
“You should've mentioned you were bringing a beautiful woman. I would've combed my hair.” — Lisa Kessler Copy Share Image
“Did you tell that prospect over there that ‘not a hair’ on my head was to be touched?” “I think I said, ‘not a… — Lauren Gilley Copy Share Image
“Stop thinking about it, Nik!" "What?" He grinned and shook his head. "You know what. You're looking at my hair like an addict at… — Brodi Ashton Copy Share Image
“Still with me?" he asked, smoothing the hair back from her forehead. "What the hell was that?" He laughed, propping his head up on… — Cherrie Lynn Copy Share Image
“I told her about my revenge on Topper the attempted rapist and the guy at the transient's hotel in Brooklyn, and, finally, I told her about stealing the money. "You did what?" She sat straight up in her chair, her eyes wide, her mouth open. "Shhh." Other diners were staring at us, frozen in silent tableau, some with forks or spoons halfway to mouth. Millie was blinking her eyes rapidly. Much quieter, she said, "You robbed a bank?" "Shhh." My ears were burning. "Don't make a scene." "Don't shush me! I didn't rob a bank." Fortunately she whispered it. The waiter walked up then and took our drink order. Millie ordered a vodka martini. I asked for a glass of white wine. I didn't know if it would help, but I figured it couldn't hurt. "A million dollars?" she said, after the waiter left. "Well, almost." "How much of it is left?" "Why?" She blushed. "Curiosity. I must look like a proper little gold digger." "About eight hundred thousand." "Dollars!" The man at the next table spilled his water. "Christ, Millie. You want me to leave you here? You're fifteen hundred miles away from home you know.” — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“Matar slowly approached the coffee and picked it up carefully, like it might bite him. He removed the lid and sniffed. "It's not poisoned," I said. "What are you? You conjure things from nowhere." "Perhaps I'm an afrit, a genie. Perhaps I'm an angel." Cox watched this exchange with interest. "Perhaps you are Shaitan," said Matar. I raised my eyebrows and Cox obligingly said, "Satan." I smiled a smile that didn't touch my eyes. The blood drained from Matar's face. "Perhaps," I said. "Welcome to hell.” — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“Back in the Aerie she popped her lips percussively as she examined her booty. 'P-ilfering P-adgett's P-ockets Pr-oduces P-ossible P-ath to... to—' Well, clues… — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“She brought the tea into the living room on a lacquered tray. The pot and cups were Japanese with unglazed rims. She poured. "Thanks," I said. "Well?" "Huh?" "Your family," she reminded. I sipped the tea. "This is really good. Really delicious." She raised her eyebrows. "That's what I thought. You're a good listener, Davy, and you can change the subject on a dime. You've hardly talked about yourself at all." "I talk... too much." "You talk about books, you talk about plays, you talk about movies, you talk about places, you talk about food, you talk about current events. You don't talk about yourself." I opened my mouth, then shut it again. I hadn't really thought about it. Sure, I didn't talk about the jumping, but the rest? "Well, there's not much to say. Not like those stories of growing up with four brothers." She smiled. "It's not going to work. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I'm not going to be distracted again, nor fooled into talking about those idiots again." She poured more tea into my cup. I frowned. "Do I really do that?" "What? Not talk about yourself? Yes." "No, try and distract you." She stared at me. "You are fucking amazing. I've never seen someone so good at changing the subject." "I don't do it on purpose." She laughed. ” — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“A hungry man thinks only about how he can feed his family today. He doesn't care that how he feeds them today destroys his… — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically. — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“What did you—" He swallowed. His voice was raspy. "What did you do to him?" "Sightseeing. Your turn." He shivered. "No, that's all right.” — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
“I'd thought about this for a long time. "That bank loses that much money in bad loans every month. They make that much money in interest every day. They're a big bank. The money I took was small change to them. No depositor was hurt." She shook her head. "I still can't approve of it. I don't think it's right." I felt my face go remote, still. I crossed my arms and felt cold. She spread her hands. "It doesn't change the fact that I still love you. I've missed you terribly. I've missed your phone calls, and I've missed your body in bed next to me. I don't know what to do about this. My loving you goes way beyond my disapproval of your theft." I uncrossed my arms and reached across the table for her. She leaned forward and we kissed until the candle burned a hole in my shirt. Then we laughed and I held an ice cube to the burn and the food came and everything was all right.” — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
It is beyond my comprehension that any humane person would withhold such a beneficial substance from people in such great need simply because others… — Steven Gould Copy Share Image
'Mad TV' is one of my most favorite shows of all time and is a huge part of my obsession with sketch comedy. — Shane Dawson Copy Share Image
When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions… — Kelli O'Hara Copy Share Image
In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants. — Rhoda Janzen Copy Share Image
“...I haven't guessed where your shirt is from yet Bane, but I don't think it'll matter once it's underwater!' Tristan looked at Bane questioningly.… — S.K. Munt Copy Share Image
“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.” — Markus Herz Copy Share Image
“Not wise, perhaps, to be rude to the Pope's favorite son, but my viper tongue still required a fool now and then on which… — Kate Quinn Copy Share Image
In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but… — Luke Evans Copy Share Image
“[S]ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn’t cross your mind until it’s too late. (Once,… — Nora Ephron Copy Share Image
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“ “Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes, I say--Northerners.” Roy Blount, Jr., Roy Blount’s Book of Southern Humor” — Deborah Ford Copy Share Image
