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Articles Quote by Chelsea Handler

“According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says…” quote by Chelsea Handler — Download Open image

“According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.”

Chelsea Handler

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I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run…

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At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and…

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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the…

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It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is…

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“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity…

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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have…

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Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed…

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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just…

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“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.”

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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn…

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The Harvard Business Review recently had an article called 'The Human Moment,' about how to make real contact with a person at work: ...…

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The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

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Some article called me the most feared man in Silicon Valley. Good Lord! Why? My teenage boys got a kick out of it: 'Dad,…

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Authors of published papers and editors of scientific journals can, unfortunately, be slow to come to terms with criticism, and it's good that we…

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Everyone seems to assume that the unscrupulous parts of journalism will be the frivolous or jocular parts. This is against all ethical experience. Jokes…

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Over immense periods of time the intellect produced nothing but errors. A few of these proved to be useful and helped to preserve the…

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I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance…

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But there are times when men have serious thoughts, and it is at such times, when they begin to think, that they begin to…

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As civil rulers, not having their duty to the people duly before them, may attempt to tyrannize,... The people are confirmed by the next…

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