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Best Thinking Sayings by Jack Handey
- I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
- I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood…
- I don't think I'm ever more "aware" than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
- If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or…
- In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
- If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, "Congratulations, it's a girl," I think a good gag…
- When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I…
- I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of…
- If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick!,…
- If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a…
- I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding…
- I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and…
- People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is,…
- Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
- As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more…
- Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
- Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.
- I wonder if the polite thing to do is always the right thing to do. When I met the family from Japan, they all bowed.…
- If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him…
- I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but…
- If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because…
- Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.
- Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S…
- I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
- I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take…
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More Thinking Quotes
- I don't think about my previous success. I'm happy that the work I've done has been very successful. — Aaliyah
- There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous. — Hannah Arendt
- Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think. — Hannah Arendt
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can give you… — Alexis Arguello
- You can never guess or assume what anyone is going to think. — J. J. Abrams
- As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we think of… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I don't think I have a signature. — J. J. Abrams
- It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. — Aristotle
- The soul never thinks without a picture. — Aristotle
- I love working with the right actor, and if the right actor happens to be unknown, that should be allowed, too, I… — J. J. Abrams
- I think you have a passion and an obsession for something when it's not necessarily ubiquitous. — J. J. Abrams