"In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination……" — Jack Handey
"In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Automatically Quotes
This quote is filed under Automatically Quotes,
one of 555 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Once a novel gets going and I know it is viable, I don't then worry about plot or themes. These…
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When you tell your truth, you are coming from a real place, so you are automatically a leader.
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I honestly think that it automatically hurts me if I said that I supported the war in Iraq and I…
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Branding experts believe that just because they have rethought a company's image or name, the rest of us will automatically…
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More oftentimes than not, you're automatically guilty before innocent.
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When you accept a role in a pilot, you automatically sign up for five years. You think it's scary to…
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