"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead.……" — Jack Handey
"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
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More Better Quotes
This quote is filed under Better Quotes,
one of 25,349 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is…
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Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.
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If one way be better than another, that you may be sure is nature's way.
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It is clearly better that property should be private, but the use of it common; and the special business of…
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Making mistakes is a lot better than not doing anything.
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I think when you're 10 years old, it's too much to see something with the threat of death in every…
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Ever since the Crusades, when Christians from western Europe were fighting holy wars against Muslims in the near east, western…
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The power of one, if fearless and focused, is formidable, but the power of many working together is better.
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Suppose that we are wise enough to learn and know - and yet not wise enough to control our learning…
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I can scarcely manage to scribble a tolerable English letter. I know that I am not a scholar, but meantime…
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God judged it better to bring good out of evil than to suffer no evil to exist.
— Saint Augustine
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Anything in any way beautiful derives its beauty from itself and asks nothing beyond itself. Praise is no part of…
— Marcus Aurelius
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