« All Take Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Take Quotes by Jack Handey
- I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are…
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him…
- Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around…
- If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I…
- If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both…
- I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun…
- If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of…
- I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take…
- I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not…
- If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for…
- Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.
- I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you…
- At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.…
- When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too…
- I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every…
More Take Quotes
- This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes. — Hannah Arendt
- I'd take precision any day over power; as far as being tactical you know you have to see what's going on in… — Alexis Arguello
- It is the role of good journalism to take on powerful abusers, and when powerful abusers are taken on, there's always a… — Julian Assange
- The ability of a television series to make adjustments is something you've got to take advantage of. — J. J. Abrams
- Music - that's been my education. There's not a day that goes by that I take it for granted. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Set lists are tough because you come up with this structure of how the songs are going to go from one to… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside… — Lance Armstrong
- It's nice to win. I'll never win again. I may have to take up golf - take on Tiger. — Lance Armstrong
- Pilots take no special joy in walking. Pilots like flying. — Neil Armstrong
- People still question my sobriety, my commitment to the program, and that hurts. I take things day by day, and sometimes I… — Tom Arnold
- I think it's important as a filmmaker, as any person working in the arts, that you've got to try new stuff and… — Darren Aronofsky
- No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important. — Mary Kay Ash