"At first I thought, if I were Superman,……" — Jack Handey
"At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Aw Quotes
This quote is filed under Aw Quotes,
one of 78 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Aw, don't worry about that Doc. If it happens I could always come back as a forward.
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Aw, I feel bad if [Taylor] was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl.…
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Aw, where we come from the Anti-Life Equation is one of many others--almost as awesome!! But they merely exist!!
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I'd like to thank ma da (dad)... my mum for doin' aw ma washin'
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Words create pictures, and pictures in your mind create words. And then the words come back out your mouth....And when…
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Tira begins to sing "I'm No Angel" to him as the screen fades: Baby, I can warm you with this…
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Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think,…
— Jack Handey
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw,…
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The look that passes between Jeffrey and Kimber right then feels like it requires a swell of cheesy music in…
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I jack, I rob, I sin. Aw man, I'm Jackie Robinson 'Cept when I run base, I dodge the pen
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I’m not 'aw shucks'. Because I'm gnarly.
— Charlie Sheen
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Aw, everybody knows that game, the day I hit the homer off ole Charlie Root there in Wrigley Field, the…
— Babe Ruth
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