« All Him Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Best Him Quotes by Jack Handey
- The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!
- I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant,…
- The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old…
- He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.
- The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like…
- I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call…
- If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm…
- If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts…
- I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker…
- One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick.…
- Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of…
More Him Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. — Aristotle
- A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler… — Aristotle
- Yes, all fundamentalists feel that in a secular society, God has been relegated to the margin, to the periphery and they are… — Karen Armstrong
- There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was the… — Antonin Artaud
- To insult someone we call him 'bestial. For deliberate cruelty and nature, 'human' might be the greater insult. — Isaac Asimov
- Today, the Iraqi citizen sees that America is coming and wants to occupy his country and kill him, and he is willing… — Bashar al-Assad
- If a superior give any order to one who is under him which is against that man's conscience, although he do not… — Francis of Assisi
- When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because… — Chinua Achebe
- When I was doing Bean more than I've done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing… — Rowan Atkinson
- Art is man's constant effort to create for himself a different order of reality from that which is given to him. — Chinua Achebe
- Fame often makes a writer vain, but seldom makes him proud. — Wystan Hugh Auden