« All Funny Quotes · Stephen Colbert's Page
Funny Quotes by Stephen Colbert
- There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
- On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.
- I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a…
- Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.
- Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
- You see, we're America the Beautiful, not "America Well At Least She Has A Great Personality".
- Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or…
- I'm getting angry at liberals.
- There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.
- You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
- Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I…
- And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
- I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
- I love being onstage.
- Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.
- Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.
- The more you know, the sadder you get.
- I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
- God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
- ...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
- Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.
- People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want to be funny. I'm a comedian, not a political thinker.…
- Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin