Stephen Colbert Quotes
324 quotes
in 3728 categories
-
Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!
-
Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is…
-
Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.
-
Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
-
Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
-
If it's called the USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?
-
I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate…
-
Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. ... This past…
-
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high…
-
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
-
I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold…
-
Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.
-
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching…
-
Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
-
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
-
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
-
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
-
Obama avoided the Vietnam draft with a letter from his family doctor diagnosing him as medically eight.
-
Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it…
-
If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
Browse Stephen Colbert Quotes by Category