Stephen Colbert Quotes

324 quotes in 3728 categories

• I can't prove it, but I can say it.
• I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to…
• Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.
• There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
• I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward…
• If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over…
• You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
• The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four…
• I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
• On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.
• I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a…
• Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.
• Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
• Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.
• I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands…
• Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to…
• You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself...There is no secret society out there…
• And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had…
• In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake…
• I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared…

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