Stephen Colbert Quotes

324 quotes in 3728 categories

• To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
• You have a firm grasp of the obvious.
• If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
• Ignorance is bliss-Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
• Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
• I'm getting angry at liberals.
• There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.
• You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
• I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
• I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it
• It's clear that when we're this outnumbered by the creatures, we have to take a page from the British Empire and rule the lesser species…
• If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
• Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
• Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
• I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a…
• Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I…
• It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not…
• And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
• I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
• I love being onstage.

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