Stephen Colbert Quotes

324 quotes in 3728 categories

• I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The…
• I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
• I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
• I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
• I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
• Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy.
• Everything in nature has found a niche, a perfect harmony of balance. Man need to find his niche, his perfect balance, where he fits in…
• I believed in global warming after Al Gore's movie made money; the market had spoken.
• Washington is dangerously positioned between two Canadas, Canada Canada and California's Canada, Oregon.
• Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's why I never apologize to my mirror.
• And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot…
• I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
• I've said it before: equations are the devil's sentences. The worst one is that quadratic equation, an infernal salad of numbers, letters, and symbols.
• Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a…
• In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with…
• The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own…
• Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
• I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at…
• I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
• If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

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