All Stephen Colbert Quotes
- Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes. Answer
- (on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news. Disney
- The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. Advice
- I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory Equals
- It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias. Bias
- They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am. Children
- There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good. Forget
- If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke. Broke
- Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in… Attention
- President Bush, have a hot dog with me. Bush
- (Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock Canadian
- Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those… Announce
- I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to… Agree
- All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ. Accepted
- So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns. Animal
- Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor. America
- The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage. Heart
- Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.… Afraid
- I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government… Believe
- My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot, ... So we said, `Let's give him a promotion. Character