Stephen Colbert Quotes

324 quotes in 3728 categories

• I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines! All
• Leaving religious texts open too interpretation is the downfall of religion itself. If it is truly the word of God then there is no room… All
• This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant… America
• You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you… All
• You see, we're America the Beautiful, not "America Well At Least She Has A Great Personality". America
• Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or… All
• Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. Accept
• If I thought I knew what was going to happen, it wouldn't be worth doing. The challenge is how joyfully, with what sense of fun… Adventure
• There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer. Cooperative
• You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now. Change
• I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera. All
• Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram. Balls
• Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes. Always Say
• I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's… Check
• If you repeat it, it's true. If you repeat it, it's true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it… Becomes
• There's a buzz to failing and not dying. Buzz
• Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper until… Anyone
• Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together. Awful
• There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the… Change
• If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex? Doe

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