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- I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly,…
- Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
- I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward…
- The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four…
- In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake…
- I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's…
- Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
- Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
- There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.
- And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot…
- The more you know, the sadder you get.
- Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into…
- So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such…
- New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
- Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is no picnic. Raising the kids is the mother’s responsibility. It’s a thankless, solitary job, like sheriff or…
- Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get…
- ...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
- I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this…
- The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to…
- Thankfully dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream…
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- Throughout all of this confusion, I hope I somehow get to you. I practice all the things I'd say to tell you… — Superman
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Most people would rather give than get affection. — Aristotle
- Whenever I miss you. I just close my eyes and I see your smiling face and half of my problems automatically get… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts… — Kate Beckinsale
- The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him… — Rajneesh
- The balance and patience factors are much more critical in surfing than they are in snowboarding ... if you're out surfing serious… — Frederick Lenz