Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

I never act my characters - I am them. — Drew Barrymore
You've just got to do the best that you can. — Drew Barrymore
The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make… — Drew Barrymore
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. — John Barrymore
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. — John Barrymore
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? — John Barrymore
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks. — John Barrymore
No one can be saved - in virtue of what he can do. Everyone can be saved - in virtue of what God can do. — Karl Barth
No sex, age, or condition is above or below the absolute necessity of modesty; but without it one vastly beneath the rank of man. — Bruce Barton
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. — Bernard Baruch
Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less… — Bernard Baruch
Although I don't gamble in life - I've never played poker - I do gamble on stage. I gamble with myself: 'Can I do this?' — Mikhail Baryshnikov
I cannot stand authority. — Mikhail Baryshnikov
Of course, there are a lot of ways you can treat the blues, but it will still be the blues. — Count Basie
I start a picture and I finish it. — Jean-Michel Basquiat
All experience is subjective. — Gregory Bateson
Money is always transitively valued. More money is supposedly always better than less money. — Gregory Bateson
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? — Scott Adams
Anybody, providing he knows how to be amusing, has the right to talk about himself. — Charles Baudelaire
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. — Jean Baudrillard
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company. — Scott Adams
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. — Scott Adams
I'm primarily just an investor. — Scott Adams
The longer you work here, diverse it gets. — Scott Adams
Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough. — Pierre Beaumarchais

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: