Dear Brain, can you please shut the fuck up so I can sleep? — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The hospital lab is recruiting. They're looking for new blood. — Nikhil Saluja Being cool Copy Share Image
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill. — Nikhil Saluja Drill Copy Share Image
A girl will bring you breakfast in bed. A lady will be your breakfast in bed. — Nikhil Saluja Breakfast Copy Share Image
If my zipper is down, that's my problem, you didn't see anything! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I've seen a grown man eat a whole cucumber. I have seen everything in this world now. — Nikhil Saluja Grown man Copy Share Image
Excuse me, could you help me out? I have an incredible itch that's buried deep in my butt. — Nikhil Saluja Itch Copy Share Image
The last time I washed my car was when dinosaurs roamed the earth. — Nikhil Saluja Last time Copy Share Image
Writing a tweet is not like impressing someone. Don't try too hard. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Behind every pretty woman there is a bunch of jealous women making up lies about her. — Nikhil Saluja Lies Copy Share Image
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't… — Nikhil Saluja Doctor Copy Share Image
5% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If you feel more capable than a woman, think of how much effort it takes you to get laid and remember a… — Nikhil Saluja Feminism Copy Share Image
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I followed you on TWITTER because I'm secretly in love with you and I'm hoping this will help you realize that you… — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
They say childbirth is the most pain women ever experience. Mothers prepare their daughters for this pain by brushing their hair. — Nikhil Saluja Childbirth Copy Share Image
LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred… — Nikhil Saluja Being cool Copy Share Image
Smoking one cigarette shortens your life by 14 minutes, but having sex lengthens it by 12 minutes. So smokers: screw for your lives! — Nikhil Saluja Cigarette Copy Share Image
