“The garden of sarcasm is watered with impatience, and mine chose that moment to bloom.” — Kevin Hearne Gardening Copy Share Image
“Behind me, I heard my apprentice growl, “All your base are belong to us, Niko.” — Kevin Hearne Nerd Copy Share Image
“Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.” — Kevin Hearne Atticus Copy Share Image
“Huh... guess they didn't want a cracker after all. Another myth BUSTED” — Kevin Hearne Cracker Copy Share Image
“The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around.” — Kevin Hearne Assholes Copy Share Image
“Oberon Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right. Quick, to the Geekmobile!” — Kevin Hearne Atticus Copy Share Image
“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,” — Kevin Hearne Food Copy Share Image
“You will need to make an effort to appear a little less scruffy.” — Kevin Hearne Atticus Copy Share Image
“What I'd truly been avoiding was love, the strongest binding there is, and the pain that scrapes at your insides when the… — Kevin Hearne Love Copy Share Image
“the bog was already bigger than a king’s ego and at night darker and more dangerous than a badger’s arsehole—ye just really… — Kevin Hearne Bog Bigger Copy Share Image
“So this means you're spoiling me right?" Can't Help it. You're the best hound ever. Oberon's tail thumped a few times and… — Kevin Hearne Hound Copy Share Image
Granuaile:"So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood?" Atticus:" Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice. — Kevin Hearne Achieve Copy Share Image
I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the… — Kevin Hearne Bed Copy Share Image
No worries, Atticus. I will snarf surreptitiously. And I should get bacon, because my adverb was two syllables longer than yours, plus… — Kevin Hearne Adverbs Copy Share Image
Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed. — Kevin Hearne Depressed Copy Share Image
“Flidais nods in approval. “Respect for life. Good.” I want to ask where her respect for life is, why she thinks it… — Kevin Hearne Life Copy Share Image
Hey Atticus, do me a quick favour before we go? its easy. Sure. What is it? Hold Granuailes staff for just a… — Kevin Hearne Atticus Copy Share Image
Turns out that once you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance salesmen with special "godslayer" term life… — Kevin Hearne Armor Copy Share Image
“Drug addicts perplex me. They're a relatively recent development, historically speaking. Everyone has their theories - monotheists like to blame it on… — Kevin Hearne Addicts Copy Share Image
The widow’s eyebrows raised. “Ye’ve got all these nasty pooches to run around with and ye still might die?” “I’m going to… — Kevin Hearne Call me Copy Share Image
“What are you so pleased about?" "I only drink a little at a time, like half a cup ever four or five… — Kevin Hearne Time Copy Share Image
“I see. And who is this author?” “Neil Fucking Gaiman.” “His second name is Fucking?” “No, Leif, that’s the honorary second name… — Kevin Hearne Books Copy Share Image
I suspect that many of us, if given the chance to make one person in our lives love us more, would have… — Kevin Hearne Affection Copy Share Image
“Usually I try to suppress any emotions that savor of regret, because they are invariably aperitifs to a main course of depression,… — Kevin Hearne Depression Copy Share Image
“Well, look at the bright side, Granuaile. Emo Douche Bags would be a great band name.” ” — Kevin Hearne Bags Copy Share Image
“Silly cop, I don't need your help; I have a werewolf on retainer.” — Kevin Hearne Humor Copy Share Image
“Hopefully next time I won't be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better.” — Kevin Hearne Assassination Copy Share Image
“But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.” — Kevin Hearne Difficult Copy Share Image
“We should make a pit trap with spikes in the bottom. You make the pit and I’ll make the spikes.” — Kevin Hearne Pit Trap Copy Share Image
“I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon.” — Kevin Hearne Bacon Copy Share Image
“But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.” — Kevin Hearne Druid-sense Copy Share Image
The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not." ~Oberon — Kevin Hearne Belly Copy Share Image
Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around. — Kevin Hearne Lad Copy Share Image
I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes. — Kevin Hearne Kind Copy Share Image
“come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon” — Kevin Hearne Dog-sense Copy Share Image
“Missing people in our lives are like wounds we reopen with thoughts.” — Kevin Hearne Missing people Copy Share Image
“That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.” Oberon said. ” — Kevin Hearne Atticus-finch Copy Share Image
“Oberon:"She's a very clever girl, the kind you dont' take home to Ogma.” — Kevin Hearne Clever Copy Share Image
