“It’s odd how a dog roaming around is a health code violation but serving fried death on a stick isn’t.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“If it pleases me, then it is good and I want more; If it displeases me, then it must be destroyed as… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“When there's blood involved, you always use every advantage you have to make sure it's theirs that spills and not yours. If… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“...Brain death didn't allow one time to heal, and the brain was the warehouse for the spirit. Punch a hole in that… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“The key to faking deaths is a fine appreciation of arterial spray patterns. I have found that blood bags work very well… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“The mourning of a loved one never ends with a funeral. It comes back every so often, like a stage performer eager… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
It’s best not to experiment on yourself. Bacon practically froze himself to death in one of his experiments and died of pneumonia.”… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father’s instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Hence the reason I encourage you to believe what you wish. The heaven of teh Pastafarians is supposed to have beer volcanoes, which sounds… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me. Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts. — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh,"… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
