“I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as Bigfoot. You know, as something the people can really believe in. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I speak Spanish like I chew spinach—like it’s dried bubble gum stuck underneath a park bench.” — Jarod Kintz Bubble gum Copy Share Image
“Instead of hatching a plan, why not break it open prematurely and use it to make an omelet? It’s just food for… — Jarod Kintz Food for thought Copy Share Image
“Yes, he was Chinese, but Chew wasn't only his last name, it was also his first. And I found this strange considering… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“There are two apples, one is green and the other is red. Which apple would the wise man choose? The answer is:… — Jarod Kintz Wisdom Copy Share Image
“This book is destined to make waves no matter which ocean you throw it into. This is the first book Jarod's put… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A blanket that has arms to hold you when you are sad, now that's what I call a comforter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Conventional wisdom holds that water is liquid at room temperature. Well, not if that room’s temperature is 32 degrees. That also happens… — Jarod Kintz Conventional wisdom Copy Share Image
“(Picture of a pirate standing on a treasure chest) It's not about the chest, it's all about the booty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to… — Jarod Kintz Religion Copy Share Image
“What if a statue of me walked past my clone frozen in thought? Which one of the two would make a better… — Jarod Kintz Geno Smith Copy Share Image
“She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Should I take off her… — Jarod Kintz Fall in love Copy Share Image
“When I see a rainbow, I think of God’s promise and how He’s keeping it. Then I remember the promise I made… — Jarod Kintz Rainbows Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you a glass of wine, if you give me a few drops of water from your eyes. I’m thirsty for… — Jarod Kintz Sadness Copy Share Image
“John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I blended into the kitchen like a blender, but I made so much noise that I nearly woke up the strawberries and… — Jarod Kintz Ice cube Copy Share Image
“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.” — Jarod Kintz Political rhetoric Copy Share Image
“I killed a flea this morning. I may have been a bit overzealous, because I accidentally killed the cat too.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My name is Dawn. It’s not a female name. I am Sunset’s brother.” — Jarod Kintz Brotherhood Copy Share Image
“If you try a joke a second time and nobody laughs, don’t tell a different joke—tell different people.” — Jarod Kintz Different people Copy Share Image
“I keep a large map of the world hanging above my bed. Everybody wants to own land, but I want to own… — Jarod Kintz Ocean Copy Share Image
“A clone would make a great birthday gift, because it’s the only gift that keeps on giving. At least it’d better give… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
