“A mafia don could snap his fingers and somebody would snap my neck. But when I snap my fingers, people start dancing.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to say Thank You in sign language, but instead I sneezed and ended up shooting out an I love you.… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I speak the language of love. That’s right, I speak Russian.” — Jarod Kintz Language of love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I’m nothing. I’m just a humble man in a bumblebee costume trying to pollinate with a woman as romantic as a flower.… — Jarod Kintz Flower love Copy Share Image
“When my internal voice goes external, and I’m in a noisy crowd, I can hardly hear myself think.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I may look like someone you know. I resemble an apple pie.” — Jarod Kintz Apple pie Copy Share Image
“I’d love to be a color commentator, but I can’t, because I’m white, and white isn’t a color.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and… — Jarod Kintz Opening night Copy Share Image
“Not getting laid can be a crippling experience, but then I don't go looking for sex along the interstate.” — Jarod Kintz Getting laid Copy Share Image
“If you put a long-haired wig on and ask nicely, I might sit on your back and ride you like a horse.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I murdered a man—my boss—doesn’t mean I deserve to be fired. In fact, as I see it and saw it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To choose to chew, rather than converse with my fellow dinner guests, was the choice I made when I chose the chewiest… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“We had a mythical love. Some would say, including her, that it didn’t exist.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“What would people say about me? They would say I’m an enjoyable guy to be around. At least I’d hope they’d say… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
