“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Free lunch Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt. ” — Jarod Kintz Bad news Copy Share Image
“I’m building a building from scratch, and I’m making it out of a giant itch.” — Jarod Kintz Engineering Copy Share Image
“The only time I can throw 80 yards is when my football-shaped alarm clock goes off in the morning.” — Jarod Kintz Alarm clock Copy Share Image
“A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally shared by two or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I converted my mechanical toothbrush into an electric screwdriver. Now it more comfortably fits the contours of my urethra.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make a splash in the world, and I want to make one with my dry wit. My dry wit… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Fear is healthy. I wish it came in a pill. I'd bottle it up and sell it to little children and the… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was “W,” because it’s a couple of soul mate “V”s. Or maybe… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My girl didn’t step out on me. She just stood in the doorway and wouldn’t close the door.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember one time some guy put caviar in my omelet, and I had to complain saying, “Excuse me, you idiot, but… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“And out came an insult with the velocity of a whisper. But I could see I offended, so I zipped up my… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“Nobody wants to leave what they know to go either to the unknown, or to grandmother’s house.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She gave me her bedroom eyes. I know because we were in the kitchen at the time. I hope we’re having pigs… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I’m about to crash for the night, and I’m wearing a bicycle helmet to bed. I make love as if Lance Armstrong… — Jarod Kintz Lance armstrong Copy Share Image
“No matter how far I throw a ball, if I took the path of the ball and arced it around in a… — Jarod Kintz Starting point Copy Share Image
“I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh… — Jarod Kintz Ex wife Copy Share Image
“I decide to go outside to enjoy the weather. Out of the corner of my eye I see Thor pushing an empty… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I shed my skin like a shed, rather than a snake, then you might expect me to have shingles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
