“Sometimes I wish I were someone else. Times like those I borrow somebody else’s nametag. I make love like Todd. At least… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Contrast and compliment. The blue is never more blue than it is when paired with orange. And the orange is never bluer… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re different, you and I. I am a Rorschach Test, and you, you are a butterfly. No, wait, you are a bat.… — Jarod Kintz Galapagos islands Copy Share Image
“Her clothes were half off—a sale, not a strip tease. Watching her shop was as hot as a fresh cup of coffee,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Once the orange juice wears off, I might be drunk. I love vodka.” — Jarod Kintz Orange juice Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I ask God what I did to deserve her love. I maintain my innocence, and of all the forms of God’s… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Flavors of Louisiana is the 1996 of restaurants. I ate tasty Gator like the time The University of Nebraska's football team beat… — Jarod Kintz Cajun Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV… — Jarod Kintz Change the world Copy Share Image
“It’s disturbing to me that criminals are freely roaming the streets of our nation’s capital. I’m not talking about escaped prison inmates—I’m… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I have a handicap on the golf course like you wouldn’t believe. It’s more than a limp, and less than a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Golf Copy Share Image
“I dreamt of a Gatorade bottle that looks full, but the bottom has a secret snap-out drawer, where a person could smuggle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear a jockstrap with my gun holster (loaded with fruits and vegetables).” — Jarod Kintz Fruits and vegetables Copy Share Image
“I like holding hands. Especially if those holding hands are holding my penis.” — Jarod Kintz Holding hands Copy Share Image
“I can’t stand people who constantly try to cut you down. Never again will I try networking at a lumberjack convention.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t be the best all the time. But that’s what clones are for—to be you while you sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I asked my doctor for the best gift ever: Life. Still, he wouldn’t take one for me.” — Jarod Kintz Best gift Copy Share Image
“Who leads the world in consumption? America! Who has more lawyers per capita? America! Who has the highest incarceration rate? America! What… — Jarod Kintz Nature Copy Share Image
