“I collect the most valuable thing in the world—free time. But unlike other priceless things, I don’t need a safe to keep… — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“At their core, things are essentially good. Except apples. At their core, they are trash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Helping others without anticipating or expecting others to help you in return, that is the path to spiritual prosperity.” — Jarod Kintz Helping others Copy Share Image
“My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench of Satan reminds me of her anyways. Hungry?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.” — Jarod Kintz Coffee cup Copy Share Image
“Life is struggle. Poor people struggle to get money, and rich people struggle to keep their money.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“You don’t need the Bible to tell you the flesh is weak. Just pinch it and find out for yourself.” — Jarod Kintz Bible Copy Share Image
“Mrs. Indianapolis was in town again. She looked like a can of Sprite in her green and yellow outfit. She always likes… — Jarod Kintz Front desk Copy Share Image
“I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.” — Jarod Kintz Productivity Copy Share Image
“If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, guess what I’d want to do? That’s right—get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I get angry I tend to raise my voice—with a forklift. Hang on to my handlebar mustache if you want me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home.… — Jarod Kintz Wealthy Man Copy Share Image
“My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would have sex in the backseat of my car, but from back there, how would I be able to hit the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to… — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a… — Jarod Kintz Brotherhood Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sway the voters. But if you really want to sway them, try using a catchy song. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like the collision between a falling statue and still bird poop.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My day starts like a regular guy’s. I wake up, drink raw eggs, run around Philadelphia, and punch raw slabs of meat.… — Jarod Kintz Day Start Copy Share Image
“I thought she was older than she was, and I thought she was younger than she was. She looked older, but she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
