“Jack Black and Betty White should couple and produce Earl Grey. I could go for a cup of tea.” — Jarod Kintz Cup of tea Copy Share Image
“A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re all artists. It’s just most people keep their inner artist locked behind their rib cage.” — Jarod Kintz Rib cage Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With gift giving, if it’s the thought that counts, then a picture of a Mercedes is just as good as an actual… — Jarod Kintz Gift giving Copy Share Image
“I network like a Spanish Inquisitor. I am very good at extracting relevant information. And if you resist, you’ll only confirm your… — Jarod Kintz Spanish Copy Share Image
“If you were to talk about your nose, I’d take everything you’d say at face value.” — Jarod Kintz Face value Copy Share Image
“I was so focused on my mistake that I made another mistake during the correction of the initial mistake.” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“I rode my horse to the saloon, but it was out of business. The cowboy I spoke with said the bartender served… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you what love is. Love is walking up and down Archer Road in Gainesville, Florida and feeling like Cupid. Too… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have… — Jarod Kintz Bad news Copy Share Image
“You don’t happen to have any happiness, do you? Can I borrow a cup?” — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
“I own nothing, but at least nothing owns me. Well, besides the bank.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A car’s gas tank should be see-through, so I don’t have to rely on a possibly faulty gauge to tell me it’s… — Jarod Kintz Human heart Copy Share Image
“I’m tired of talking. I want you to extract my thoughts through my nostrils.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite time to network is now. Seriously, what are you doing this instant? Call all your friends and tell them you… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I held her, but that wasn’t enough to hold us together. That’s where the glue came in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“It’s not really masturbating if you’re jacking your clone off. It’s more like politics.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I didn’t write this piece to attract a potential mate, as the title might lead a reader to believe. That said, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People always say I have hands as large as the Roman Empire. I guess it just goes with the territory. Romance, it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedible garnishes.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A hammer alone on a coffee table doesn’t kill someone. But a man in a business suit with hemorrhoids might. How that… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I just made a fan gun. Instead of shooting bullets, it shoots the breeze. Just doing my part to make a more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
