All Green Monk Quotes
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Ladies I'm not afraid of commitment, ask my 5 ex-wives.
Afraid
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I understand the weight of love. As soon as you fall in love she continually starts to get heavier
Continually
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I'm in hate with you.
Funny
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Lead me not into Temptation...... Just follow me, I know a shortcut.
Follow
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When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them
Answer
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I could lose so much weight if I just switched to red wine from eight beers.
Beers
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When life stresses you out, eat a carrot. It won't make your life any better, but at least you're helping out the carrot farmers.
Any
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This Coke tastes weird without Whiskey.
Coke
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No, officer I'm not drunk! The reason I'm walking like this is because I'm avoiding snipers.
Avoiding
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I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it.
Followed
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Real men don't date the most beautiful girl in the world,they date the girl who makes their world the most beautiful.
Beautiful
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The Shortest Solution Of Every Problem Is To Minimize The Distance Between Your Knee And Floor.
Distance
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We all make mistakes. What makes me different is that I cry after every single one of them.
All
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My brain is my spam folder.
Brain
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What a mess! I can't believe I mixed up my Valentine cards. Now my girlfriend thinks I love her AND my wife thinks I want…
Believe
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They should really replace, I now pronounce you man and wife with FINISH HIM!! (mortal combat music blasting)
Blasting
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In my next life I'm gonna have a life.
Funny
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I'm not racist. I date women from other different races if they have pink nipples.
Date
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I'm remotely attracted to televisions.
Attracted
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Sometimes I like to be a bit Romantic, that's why I light up a couple of scented candles when I masturbate.
Bit
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Love is an awesome feeling that makes you feel so good that you'll cheat on your wife.
Awesome
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My sincere apologies to those, I havent offended yet. Sorry you feel so left out, promise Ill get to you soon.
Apologies
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I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Call 1-800-CRYBABY
Call
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Women are like commercials... nothing more than false advertisement
Advertisement
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Today, be the change you wish to see in the twitter. Block the assholes.
Assholes
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