I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad! — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I love when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize I have so much more time to sleep! — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
You know you've had enough coffee when you can thread a sewing machine ...while it's running! — Green Monk Coffee Copy Share Image
True friends are like diapers they never leave your ass, even if they are full of shit. — Green Monk Friend Copy Share Image
I typed married but it was auto-corrected to martyred. Damn,smartphone has gained intelligence. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I carry a Knife everywhere I go. You never know when you might want to cut a cake. — Green Monk Carry Copy Share Image
No matter how nice you try to be someone will cast you to play the cunt in their life story. — Green Monk Cunt Copy Share Image
My wife is angry with me and she is giving me the Silent Treatment. I don't know what I did, but I… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My Wife & me are either going to buy a dog or have a child. Actually we can't decide whether to ruin… — Green Monk Children Copy Share Image
Average women believe they need a man to feel wanted & loved. Real women are very desired, have self-love, & do just… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Looking for soulmate. Description: Smart, funny, good-looking & loves to battle with lightsaber swords while making sound effects. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? . . . If my friends jumped off a cliff, it would be… — Green Monk Friendship Copy Share Image
There aren't even enough stars in the sky, water drops in an ocean, or people in the world that could represent how… — Green Monk Astronomy Copy Share Image
I've read that women love to have whipped cream licked off their breasts, but since my girlfriend has silicone implants, I use… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Two women were talking. When I was young, I used to laugh when my mother crossed her legs when she had to… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval — Green Monk Computers Copy Share Image
I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no-hitter! — Green Monk Baseball Copy Share Image
Eating pumpkin cheesecake is like getting a blowjob from a vagina. — Green Monk Blowjob Copy Share Image
Every woman deserves a man who respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his efforts. — Green Monk Every man Copy Share Image
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed... — Green Monk Fashion Copy Share Image
I think my baby might be connected to Al-Qaeda the way she blows up her diapers. — Green Monk Al qaeda Copy Share Image
The adult in me wants Vodka, while the kid in me wants Orange Juice. It's a good thing they get along. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A real man doesn't need a whole lot of women to make him feel like a king, only ONE! The ONE! — Green Monk Feel Copy Share Image
Before smartphones life was terrible. I practically never stepped in dog shit. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Dear circle, Do you ever wake up in the morning and realize your life is pointless? Sincerely, square. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
