Best George Carlin Lines
- Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff? Actually Cook
- These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. Change
- Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help. Crappy
- In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down,… All
- I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be… F Ing
- Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases… Been
- The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. Amounts
- I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then… Activity
- Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell" Christian
- You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's… All
- "Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass." Ass
- The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains. Day
- In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time… Aloha
- A pear is a failed apple. Apple
- Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and… Bother
- The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just rubbed us the… Any
- When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make… Civilization
- I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to… All
- I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and… Asks
- Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists." Arab
- To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope. Antelope
- If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found. Ever Lose
- As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path. Breast
- You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and already we've had… Average
- McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery. Breakfast
More Ways to Read George Carlin Quotes
- Best George Carlin Quotes (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Sayings (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Quotations (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Words (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Thoughts (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Wisdom (George Carlin Quotes)
- Best George Carlin Proverbs (George Carlin Quotes)