Skip to content

Portrait of Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson

(1962) Stand-up Comedian United States

421 quotes in 1961 categories

Craig Ferguson is a stand-up comedian from the United States, best known for Valentine Simmes printer to Drayton, Shakespeare.

Quick Facts About Craig Ferguson

Born: May 17, 1962
Nationality: United States
Profession: Stand-up Comedian
Notable works: Valentine Simmes printer to Drayton, Shakespeare

About Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson is a Scottish and American actor, comedian, writer and television host. He hosted the CBS late-night talk show The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), for which he won a Peabody Award for his interview with South African archbishop Desmond Tutu in 2009. He is currently the host of Scrabble (2026–present) on The CW Network.

Biography source: Wikipedia

Awards & Honors

Great Immigrants Award

Quotes by Craig Ferguson · Page 10

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Dance

Image

Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them.…

Died

Image

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World…

Black

Image

“Sophie thought about Frank’s cock sometimes, how famous it was. Not as famous as his voice, sure, but famous in cock terms.…

Well known

Image

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

Allegory

Image

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Mistrust

Image

President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop…

Broke

Image

This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election- and for American…

American citizen

Image

The Universe is very, very big.

Bigs

Image

Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.

Inspirational

Image

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got…

British

Image

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30…

Complete opposites

Image

If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.

I m sorry

Image

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate…

Broadcasters

Image

I was 15 years old when I was in this band; we were called Stag. We used to wear spandex pants and…

Band

Image

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

Trouble

Image

“between safety and adventure I choose adventure”

Adventure

Image

Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.

Aphrodisiac

Image

Sometimes, in order to follow one's heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I'm not absolving anyone of their actions; you…

Action

Image

“WHITE AMERICANS HAVE A VERY UNUSUAL SENSE OF HISTORY. They make it up as they go along, constantly revising to suit their…

History

Image

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

Aim

Image

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives…

Animal

Image

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.

Inspirational

Image

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

Afraid

Image

It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?

Acting

Image

Craig Ferguson by topic

People (55) Thinking (44) Time (30) Ifs (30) Funny (26) Knows (23) Years (22) Humor (21) Shows (19) Night (19) Said (18) Money (16) Men (16) World (15) Want (15)